Jun. 9th, 2009

ornerie: (Default)
starting a new hobby (competitive trail riding) means one has to make more choices about how to spend ones time.

need to work on not feeling guilty making that choice

also need to not feel guilty about doing things that only serve ME (housework, yardwork, sleep) rather than things that really? folks dont want that bad.

I'm noticing that theres a list of things that I've always done for folks. they say thank you and its nice, but if I dont do it? they manage just fine. its like the benefit of me doing these things? give a pile of good thats THIS high but the pile of work is THIS!!!!! high. the effort and complexity not to mention sacrificing the enjoyment I'd have from doing something else? is not really worth it.

so I'm practicing saying "nope, cant. sorry". its really really really hard..... and the little broken needy soul in me (its in all of us, you know it is) is afraid that by showing people that they can get along find without me, they wont need me!! isnt that silly?

need and want are not the same thing. I dont NEED the chocolate covered espresso bean I get at my morning latte stop. if I didnt have one, I would notice and think "gosh, I miss that bean" but the world does go on.

how much of what you do for people is that bean? how much of it is stuff that YOU have decided is critical and so you bust your hump and sacrifice to get that bean, but really? its a nice thing but not imperitive.....

bears some pondering, it does!

June 2010

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